Excuuuuuse. Meeeee.

Norm on The Larry Sanders Show

And this next part, sounds like nonsense
but I swear to God, Tina Fey gave me confidence
taught me everything that is good comes from honesty
everybody’s got a voice, you just gotta follow it
she on a role model shit
from the day that I shook her hand
I knew that I’d never die a broke man.

-Donald Glover (Childish Gambino - The Last)

pourmeoutalready:

One of the best feelings known to humans is making your scene partner(s) laugh.

(via pickitupmert)

Mo Collins

Lurve.

andyerikson:

I think you should have to take a vision test to get your hunting license. Why isn’t that a thing yet?

I send my relatives who give shitty gifts “No Thank You” cards.

My sister asked if I knew who put the huge dent in the side of her car. I said it looked like a professional did it. Probably a dentist.

i love scratch and sniff lottery tickets! They smell like old pennies and funyuns.

Gingerbread cookies are the redheads of cookies. They should only be aloud outside during the holidays, and they taste like houses.

My joke about bushes really offended a lot of people. I guess It was too hedgy.

Laugh, dorks! Happy Friday!